Embracing my authentic self
We are all on a unique learning journey. Mine has a theme of “not being enough” and not worth putting energy into. My “theme” came from the experience that I’ve had in this lifetime since in utero. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, co-workers, partners, basically the relationships that I’ve had, had all played a role in my learning journey. I also believe we’ve acquired some patterns from our ancestry through our DNA. I’m speaking of patterns of reactions, emotions, and thoughts. We can also take on physical traits and cellular distortions.
I was never enough for my parents. Keep in mind this was from my perspective and what I took in from my 5 senses. My parents would have their own perspective as to what it was like to parent me and did the best they could from the patterning that they’ve taken on in this lifetime, through their DNA and from their past lives. Yes, I am someone who believes in that. The concept doesn’t feel good for everyone. We all need to believe in what feels right for us and what helps us to move through our experiences with more joy. My belief systems have helped me to decrease my stress and anxiety. It has also encouraged me to trust that I can handle what life throws me and that I am the creator of my reality.
My blog/book will be a sharing of my journey including:
Stepping into my power after years and years of what felt like abuse on an energic level
What life is like being an empath
Improv played an integral role to believing and trusting in myself.
My sexual awakening: After being raped at age 14 and not telling an adult, I didn’t realize until I was older that the trauma that I experienced shaped my sexuality. I didn’t feel it was right to touch myself. I didn’t think it was okay to look sexy, as it could get you in trouble. Covid hit and things started to change. I had my first orgasm and d!ck pic at age 49. lol!! A character I was inspired to create during the beginning of COVID, Madame Euphrosyne “Goddess of Joy,” helped to heal my sexuality. Madame Euphrosyne is my alter ego. She says it like it is. She OWNS being a psychic medium and energy healer. She embraces her sexuality along with everyone else’s uniqueness. Madame Euphrosyne didn’t heal my trauma on her own. Living streaming on Reddit as Madame Euhprosyne and later as myself was the catapult to my sexual awakening.
Madame Euphrosyne has also helped me to come out of the spirituality closet. My psychic mediumship and energy healing abilities have expanded tenfold since COVID. Being able to see and feel energy and receive messages started at a very young age, but I only started learning how to work with them in my early 30s.
A fated relationship with a karmic past: There was a powerful energetic connection that first time I set eyes on him. Without even knowing his name or whether he had a girlfriend, I started to have intense dreams about him and butterflies before seeing him in communications class. Nothing would keep this relationship from happening. A relationship of 29 years, married for 23 and resulting in 3 amazing kids, Meniere’s disease, head tremors, hearing loss along with 17 years of never being enough. Leaving a relationship of 29 years was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and the most transformational.
Losing a job twice during COVID and not having a steady income as a single mom has also been incredibly scary and challenging, yet the best thing that could have happened to my career. The universe has been forcing me through jobs that were misaligned, illness, anxiety, and job loss to listen to my heart, to be my authentic self, and to create a life aligned with the core of who I am.
Finally (well, for now), I’ll write about finding a love so deep and passionate that I didn’t believe it was possible. The love can be described are finding someone, and not being able to get close enough to them…wanting to be right within them, and never wanting to let them go. This intense love, I felt once before…in a dream that was so vivid. I recognized the energy as soon as we met.
