Embracing my authentic self

We are all on a unique learning journey. Mine has a theme of “not being enough” and not worth putting energy into. My “theme” came from the experience that I’ve had in this lifetime since in utero. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, co-workers, partners, basically the relationships that I’ve had, had all played a role in my learning journey. I also believe we’ve acquired some patterns from our ancestry through our DNA. I’m speaking of patterns of reactions, emotions, and thoughts. We can also take on physical traits and cellular distortions.

I was never enough for my parents. Keep in mind this was from my perspective and what I took in from my 5 senses. My parents would have their own perspective as to what it was like to parent me and did the best they could from the patterning that they’ve taken on in this lifetime, through their DNA and from their past lives. Yes, I am someone who believes in that. The concept doesn’t feel good for everyone. We all need to believe in what feels right for us and what helps us to move through our experiences with more joy. My belief systems have helped me to decrease my stress and anxiety. It has also encouraged me to trust that I can handle what life throws me and that I am the creator of my reality.

My blog/book will be a sharing of my journey including:

• Stepping into my power after years and years of what felt like abuse on an energic level

• What life is like being an empath

• Improv played an integral role to believing and trusting in myself.

• My sexual awakening: After being raped at age 14 and not telling an adult, I didn’t realize until I was older that the trauma that I experienced shaped my sexuality. I didn’t feel it was right to touch myself. I didn’t think it was okay to look sexy, as it could get you in trouble. Covid hit and things started to change. I had my first orgasm and d!ck pic at age 49. lol!! A character I was inspired to create during the beginning of COVID, Madame Euphrosyne “Goddess of Joy,” helped to heal my sexuality. Madame Euphrosyne is my alter ego. She says it like it is. She OWNS being a psychic medium and energy healer. She embraces her sexuality along with everyone else’s uniqueness. Madame Euphrosyne didn’t heal my trauma on her own. Living streaming on Reddit as Madame Euhprosyne and later as myself was the catapult to my sexual awakening.

• Madame Euphrosyne has also helped me to come out of the spirituality closet. My psychic mediumship and energy healing abilities have expanded tenfold since COVID. Being able to see and feel energy and receive messages started at a very young age, but I only started learning how to work with them in my early 30s.

• A fated relationship with a karmic past: There was a powerful energetic connection that first time I set eyes on him. Without even knowing his name or whether he had a girlfriend, I started to have intense dreams about him and butterflies before seeing him in communications class. Nothing would keep this relationship from happening. A relationship of 29 years, married for 23 and resulting in 3 amazing kids, Meniere’s disease, head tremors, hearing loss along with 17 years of never being enough. Leaving a relationship of 29 years was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and the most transformational.

• Losing a job twice during COVID and not having a steady income as a single mom has also been incredibly scary and challenging, yet the best thing that could have happened to my career. The universe has been forcing me through jobs that were misaligned, illness, anxiety, and job loss to listen to my heart, to be my authentic self, and to create a life aligned with the core of who I am.

• Finally (well, for now), I’ll write about finding a love so deep and passionate that I didn’t believe it was possible. The love can be described are finding someone, and not being able to get close enough to them…wanting to be right within them, and never wanting to let them go. This intense love, I felt once before…in a dream that was so vivid. I recognized the energy as soon as we met.

Energetic daggers still hurt

I used to be called “too sensitive." Yes, I was sensitive to people saying mean things to each other, yelling, or swearing. I just wanted everyone to get along and I didn’t understand why people could be so mean to another person. I used to hide in my room with a pillow on my head because I didn’t want to hear or feel the heavy dense energy from family members.

When I look back at relationships, I had a pattern of attracting really close friends who would cut me upΩ and say they were just joking. I never found it funny. It felt like little jabs on a regular basis. I’d get these jabs in various areas of my life.

As an empath, I “feel” my way through life. I feel the energy in the rooms I walk in. I feel energy and emotions when I’m around people. When I have conversations with people and their energy and emotions don’t match the words they are saying, it’s as if I’m reading between the lines. Now that I’m older, I usually know someone’s bullshitting me. It used to be so confusing and maddening at times.

I’ve learned to consciously tune into the energy or vibration of rooms, things, or people. Everything has a vibration. An apple and an orange have different vibrations or frequencies. A table that your great-grandmother used compared to a table that was used by pre-schoolers for years would have very different energy.

The vibration of words you use is impactful to your personal energy field. The energy behind words can create emotions and energy that impact your vibration. Words or thoughts can shift your vibration higher or to a lower denser heavier frequency.

When I would hear my parents yell at each other, I’d feel the energy of anger and frustration coming out of them and I’d feel the energy or vibration associated with the words they used. It felt like a war in my home. I was on the battlefield witnessing the destruction and getting hit by shrapnel.

The friendships where I received the jabs from, must have felt familiar to me, normal. It wasn’t until my late 30s that I realized I had friends in my life where either there wasn’t a mutual energy exchange or they wanted me to feel crappy to make themselves feel better. I decided to clean house when it came to relationships. I only want to surround myself with people who will treat me with love and respect and be kind with their words.

I aim to be conscious of the words I use as every word makes an impact on a vibrational level. Every thought makes an impact on your vibration and affects those around you. Our thoughts and emotions, affect our vibration, our cells, and energetic fields, and shape the reality we experience.

We all have intuitive guidance systems. Our emotional, mental, and physical bodies give us messages to let us know if something is working for us or not working for us… if something would be a good match for us or would be heavy, constricting, or exhausting.

My intuitive guidance system has been telling me within various relationships and circumstances what feels good and what doesn’t. Noticing my emotions and thoughts helps me to be conscious of my intuition.

To be continued…

What life is like being an empath

I “feel” my way through the world.

Feeling beyond people’s words can be confusing and eye-opening. One of my biggest challenges has been deciphering whose emotions I’m feeling. If I realize they are not mine, it’s easy to shift the way I’m feeling.

When my emotions are feeling heavy sometimes I still need reminders to ask myself if what I’m feeling is mine.

More to come…